Navigating Christmas Co-Parenting

Christmas can be a difficult time for separated parents. 

Families often have longstanding Christmas traditions, extended family gatherings and plans that have been in place for years. After separation, those arrangements may need to change, particularly when both parents want the children to spend time with them and their extended family. 

While there is no one arrangement that will work for every family, planning early and being prepared to compromise can make the Christmas period much easier for everyone, particularly the children. 

COMMUNICATE EARLY

The earlier parents start talking about Christmas arrangements, the more opportunity there is to find an arrangement that works for everyone. 

It is often desirable for children to spend some time with each parent on Christmas Day. However, this is not always practical. Travel, family commitments and plans to spend Christmas away from home can make it difficult to divide the day between two households. 

If you know that you will be travelling or spending Christmas some distance from the other parent, communicate those plans as early as possible. 

Early communication allows both parents to understand what the other has planned and consider how the children can spend meaningful time with both sides of their family. 

BE PREPARED TO BE FLEXIBLE

Christmas often comes with longstanding family traditions. After separation, it may not be possible to continue those traditions in exactly the same way. 

Rather than focusing on how Christmas has always been celebrated, consider what arrangements will work best for the children and allow them to enjoy time with both sides of their family. 

There are a number of options parents can consider, including: 

• changing the date of a family Christmas gathering so the children can attend with both parents' extended families; 

• arranging for the children to spend part of Christmas Day with each parent, where this is practical; 

• alternating Christmas Day each year, so that the children spend the full day with one parent one year and the other parent the following year; or 

• creating a different arrangement that allows the children to celebrate with both parents and their extended families over the Christmas period. 

There is no requirement for Christmas to look the same every year. Being willing to make reasonable changes to family traditions can sometimes make the arrangements considerably easier for everyone. 

It is also important to remember that Christmas can be an emotional time for both parents. A willingness to compromise can help reduce conflict and allow the focus to remain on the children. 

SEEK HELP IF YOU CANNOT AGREE

Unfortunately, not every Christmas parenting arrangement can be resolved between the parents. 

If parents cannot agree about where the children will spend Christmas or the end-of-year school holidays, it may be necessary to seek the assistance of the Court. 

Importantly, this should not be left until December. 

How we Can Help

Under the Family Law Rules, an application seeking parenting arrangements for time during the end-of-year school holidays must generally be filed by the second Friday in November. If an application is not filed within that timeframe, there may not be sufficient time for the Court to hear and determine the matter before Christmas. 

If you anticipate that you may not be able to reach agreement, obtaining legal advice early can give you time to properly consider your options and, if necessary, take steps to have the matter dealt with by the Court. 

Christmas after separation may look different from Christmas before separation. With early communication, some flexibility and appropriate planning, it is often possible to create arrangements that allow children to enjoy the Christmas period with both parents and their extended families.